Did you know that the two most important traits that make your relationships last are kindness and generosity?
Yup! Research by Dr. John Gottman found that these traits were the greatest predictors of long lasting relationships. Through his findings he separated couples into two major groups: the MASTERS and the DISASTERS.
The MASTERS are constantly scanning their environment for the things they can appreciate…for things they can say thank you for. Gottman says “they’re building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. Disasters are scanning their social environment for partners’ mistakes.” Anything standing out here?!
It’s easy to miss the positive things our partners are doing. Are you looking for the good, or only focusing on the bad? Do you deliberately ignore your partner, and criticize them often, or are you able to celebrate their wins and lift them up? “Kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a relationship.” Kindness doesn’t mean that we never get upset. It’s just the way in which we present our hurt and pain. We always have a choice.
Consider your message to your partner. Your kindness represents a message that says “I respect you always, even when I disagree with you. I honor you always, even when I’m hurt.” The absence of kindness sends a very different message– one that allows for criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling– the four major predictors of relational failure (also Gottman– but for another post!:) to be present.
So let’s try to commit to kindness. Let’s find the good let’s celebrate our partners and lift them up. Let’s communicate in kindness…let’s become MASTERS. #mindfulmft
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