Getting over an ex is hard stuff. We’re constantly thinking about them, we have a hard time sleeping, we walk by a restaurant where we used to eat together and it just kills us…etc. the reminders are everywhere… There isn’t a manuscript that we can follow that says do these 5 things and then you’ll be over them…but here’s some that can help
1. Let yourself feel. Cry. Hurt. Cry some more…you’re not human if you don’t. It hurts because it mattered. Remember that, and be gentle with yourself.
2. Talk about it. Share it with friends, family…your therapist . Talk it through over and over again. Say it to yourself. Recognize how you feel today. Maybe it’s the same as yesterday..maybe it’s a little different. But keep talking about it and sharing how you feel. Processing it is necessary. Sometimes we have to say the same things 13 times to really feel heard.
3. Stay busy…not avoidant. Don’t just do things to fill your time. Do the things you love to do because YOU LOVE TO DO THEM. Keeping parts of your identity during this time is crucial. A big part of your identity just got wiped (being a partner….) so it’s critical that your other roles are intact. You may not be a partner anymore, but you are still the rest of yourself. Do not let those parts go.
4. Exercise. Every. Day. –when you work out you’re not just doing a great thing for your body, you’re also cleaning your mind. When a relationship ends, we’re generally pretty emotionally flooded…that means the emotions can take over, often times leaving us feeling like we’re drowning. When we work out, we release endorphins, serotonin, dopamine….it boosts our mood and decreases our pain. It helps us think about what’s happened from a clearer space. We need that.
5. Surround yourself with people who love you. — you may not be feeling particularly lovable. That narrative gets questioned…so being around people who remind you that you are loved and cared about is necessary.
6. Get angry. Let it roar. Not manipulative. Not vindictive. Not mean. Just angry.
As you begin to do these things, you begin to learn how to exist without that person. It’s relearning how to live your days. #mindfulmft
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