Let me be clear; when a peaceful ending isn’t with another it needs to be with ourselves. It’s so easy to feel stuck when we don’t get beautiful closure, when we don’t ‘consciously uncouple’, or collaboratively process through our growing edges and what it is we’ve learned from the relationship. Yea….THAT really doesn’t happen a lot of the time. For those who are able to share in that experience, the relational pain gets acknowledged and doesn’t need to constantly grab for attention (consciously or not). But for those of us who don’t have peaceful endings with partners, it’s pretty easy for the pains to carry forward with us. They get stored (often faaaar away from our awareness) and then run our systems for us. Negative stories and narratives start to rule. The self critic takes the driver seat. Our fears of familiar endings take over, often leaving us in distress. It’s why processing through endings can be so helpful in moving us towards peace.
Sometimes we get to do it with another, but most of the time it’s with our own selves. It’s finding forgiveness within, moving through the shame, acknowledging our contribution, while holding steady next to the things that have hurt and betrayed us along the way. Peace often comes on the other side of our most honest assessment of ourselves. We often spend a lot of time trying to understand another when our most direct line to peace in freedom is tapping into ourselves.
Are you living in peace? Where aren’t you? Label and acknowledge it. When you’re ready, begin moving towards it. You will continue to be constrained by the past until you take the steps to move towards it and then through it. There can be peace on the other side of anything. It’s for you to define….but it’s waiting for you. #mindfulmft
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