Let’s talk ownership, shall we? One of the quickest ways to dysfunction

Let’s talk ownership, shall we?
One of the quickest ways to dysfunction, chaos, and destruction is by blaming others for “making you do it.” I hear this sometimes in my sessions: “I wouldn’t have lost my temper if you had just texted me back.” “I only punch things because you drive me effing crazy.” “I only look through your phone because you’re so secretive.” Let’s get a few things straight here:
No one *makes* us do anything. Read that again. No one makes us do anything. We still have choice. Yes, we may be triggered or provoked, but we are still accountable for the way we respond. Period.
When people don’t take accountability and own their actions, choices, or words it makes it pretty easy to stay stuck, and for those who don’t know any better, they start to believe that it really is their fault and that they’re deserving of the reaction — whether it be abuse or hatred.
Without ownership people can do anything they want. Without ownership people can make excuses for everything. Without ownership people never need to change. Without ownership we resist dealing with our own pain by creating it for others. Without ownership hatred continues, abuse goes on, relationships fail, aggression leads, and chaos becomes normal.
To those who need to hear this, you are never the reason for someone else’s abuse. Not ever. You are not the reason they do the unthinkable. #mindfulmft

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